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08:34:58 am on May 26, 2011 | # |
The reason scientists can’t find the truth, says Alexander Melamid, is that they don’t know that the truth is funny, reports Charles McGrath in the New York Times (5/25/11). For Alexander, a Russian-born conceptual artist, the truth is that art can heal what ails you. To advance his idea, Alexander has opened a clinic — The Art Healing Ministry — “where people can come in by appointment and be treated, by means of exposure to fine art, for a variety of physical and psychological ailments,” such as “angioedema and urticaria … and benign prostatic hyperplasia.”
“I was always told that art was good for me,” says Alexander, “but until recently I didn’t know what it was good for. What is good? What is good in the USA is health and health products.” He says that art’s healing power “may involve invisible particles called creatons.” These creatons, says Alexander, if they are “used properly and nicely, they can enhance your bodily functions. They will help you to live happier and will also get rid of impurities.” For $125, Alexander will evaluate your malady in 20 minutes and offer a prescription, which might involve a trip to a an art museum.
“If you have hay fever, you go to see Claude Monet, that’s for sure,” says Alexander. For stress, he recommends Paul Cezanne. In-house therapy includes projecting a Modigliani on the patient’s forehead. Alexander also sells “shoe insoles printed with a van Gogh self-portrait.” He offers “prayer cards, one for Picasso, patron saint of motorists, and one for George Seurat, patron saint of clear, youthful, radiant skin.” But Alexander says he’s not in it for the money; he’s in it for the health. “You can art charge your water or your vodka … And it’s funny,” he says. “Not everything that’s funny is true, for sure. But whatever is not funny is not true.”
